One morning, I woke up in tears. I had a dream about everything and everyone I lost in my life. Needless to say, I felt depressed, depleted and robbed. Within the last few years, my family has suffered through murder, incarceration, the effects of war and other bullshit that tears people apart. I’ve literally seen my family disappear before my eyes. It is an empty feeling to constantly long for yesterday. People look at you differently when you admit that you are fearful of what the future holds. I am thankful that I have my family and I know things can always be worse. But I have seen things when they were better and I would do anything for those days again. Things fall apart. But the beautiful thing is that it take things to fall apart for beauty to exist in the world. In my mind, I want beauty without loss. Why do we have to lose to gain? Why does it take death to appreciate life? Are we that oblivious to the blessings around us that we have to suffer to be grateful? Sadly, I think the answer is yes. Though I have learned my lessons from each loss, each day I am slowly becoming more optimistic.
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